Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
BRING THE BAGELS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
