i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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