I wanna bring you to show and tell
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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