so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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