Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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