I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
