I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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