So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
