I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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