trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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