Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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