Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
