in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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