I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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