please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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