What a fucking waste of an outfit
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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