remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
