just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
