i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
