I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
