They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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