I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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