the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
