you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
