he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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