we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All the doctor said was why
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
