i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
