is your mom at the bar?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
