His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
