At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
