what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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