I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
