I wish I only lived at night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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