that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
