WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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