Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
