first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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