We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
