I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
