I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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