you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
