Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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