Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
