Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
