Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
