Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
love makes seman taste better
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
