what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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