Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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