if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
