I didn't shave. On purpose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
