The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
