Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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