She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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