dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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