i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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