Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
